Sometimes, I see confusion within my seeming certainty. Upon deciding about an opinion and seeking confirmation, there is the encounter with opposing notions.
Sometimes, when seeing the daily news, there is the feeling of futility and hopelessness. It’s all too big for one person to digest and determine what is true.
Sometimes, the urge to condemn an entire group based on the actions of a few is overwhelming as the first reaction. Then there is the corresponding realization that individuals only represent themselves. But that initial urge to categorize is strong.
Sometimes, I feel the desire for a transcendent reality beyond that which is in front of me, to provide clear and obvious meaning to life. Further, the deepest aspect of this desire is that the transcendent be a consciousness that hears and responds.
Sometimes, it is clear and obvious that there is no transcendent consciousness since there is no clear and obvious response to one’s supplications.
Sometimes, there is the desire to interpret subsequent events as the desired responses, all the while knowing it is only an interpretation and so could be wrong.
Sometimes, things happen in life that suggest to a hopeful soul that there is a purpose, a meaning, and a direction in one’s life that simply need to be accepted and followed.
Sometimes, there is a revealing of one’s inner bias in all things cultural and political. Sometimes this view seems correct, other times that view. It is never as simple as the believers in each view wish, no matter how fervently they cling to it.
Sometimes, there is the feeling of being surrounded by those who appear certain of their opinions, while feeling the uncertainty and conditional nature of all viewpoints.
Sometimes, I see with dismay the expression of absolute certainty being carried out with the initiation of violence. Winning, losing, victory, defeat, all in the service of “my opinion”.
Sometimes, compassion and the general feeling of care about the well-being of others is the strongest driver. But at other times it is absent or overwhelmed by dismay.
Sometimes, the feeling of generosity towards beggars surges up at the right moment and one is giving. Other time it is not there and there is confusion over the right thing to do – help out, create the indignity of dependence, etc.
All the above are illustrations of the myriad movements within a single soul. Perhaps you, dear reader, also feel these and/or other conflicting feelings. You are not alone and it’s helpful to acknowledge the complexity that is being human….sometimes.